Brave

Since I haven't posted in a while, and some friends, (or Hilah) have been bugging me to...here you go:

Let's start with Friday, as Donna and I ventured to Lexington, KY for a women's conference-Brave. We passed a billboard that held Donna's future...it was some kind of "get discovered here" sign at the Entertainment Center and RV Park. I told Donna we should go, but since we already paid our registration, we figured we should keep heading to Lexington.

The conference was amazing. I cannot put into words what I experienced, but I was reminded once again how awesome our God is. I sang (with no voice, because I had been sick all week and student teaching.) But I stood there singing my heart out, pouring all of myself into worship. Not thinking about how good (or bad) I sounded, but fully worshiping God! What an awesome feeling. I have not done that in a very long time.

I shared my struggles with women I had known for only a few hours. I poured my heart out without holding back.

Let me share this...

I am really good at hiding things inside. Wow, I don't tell a lot of people that. It's not that I try to be fake with people, it's just that I am a fixer. I always have been. I like helping other people and being there for them. I am good at giving advice I should give to myself. But when it comes to me, I try to fix it myself. I don't really tell other people, because I think I can do it on my own. Now I know this is a flaw and not healthy at all, but this is what I do. I just take it all in stride and think, "I can do this." Like I have super powers or something.

I am learning (and relearning) that I must rely on God. I am grasping for things in my life I cannot reach, and should not reach just yet. I am so focused on the future that I don't see what I have right here, right now. I am learning to trust God again. To trust Him for who He is. It is that head knowledge that I have known for some time, it's getting it to my heart that takes awhile.

I wasn't expecting to share all of that, but I am feeling relieved. I am breathing in once again, waiting (not so patiently), but waiting, because I know that God is in control.

I wanted to share this song (chorus) by Nichole Nordeman, one of my favorite Christian artists. I have loved this song since I first heard it and it was the theme song at the conference (Hence the title)

Brave

So long status quo

I think I just let go

You make me want to be brave

The way it always was,

Is no longer good enough

You make me want to be brave